So for the last 24 hours I have been doing some typical mom things, shopping for Nicks birthday presents and posting cute pics of my boy on Facebook. Maybe less typical was the photo and post I shared on the Fibular Hemimelia and Limb Lengthening Awareness group. In the photo Nick is about 18 months old and he’s standing without his shoes on. His first pair of shoes had a pretty big lift. The right shoe was more of a boot. It came up to his knee but it stayed on. That’s what mattered.
I shared the following:
Nicholas is 10 today! Here is a pic from right before his first surgery. He was walking without a lift as well as with. Nick is as fantastic, laid back, sweet, fun, bright and sparkling as he was then. I was so worried that surgery would take some of that away. I can say with 100% certainty that even though he has had more surgeries than birthdays, surgery has taken nothing permanent or lasting from him. It has given him a straight and long leg, a stable foot and knee, and compassion, confidence, I could go on. Anyway point is my kid is super fabulous and I feel like the luckiest mom in the world!
The interesting thing to me is that other than reading him birthday posts with good wishes, and staring a virtual 5k which I will add a link and photos about soon) fibular hemimelia hasn’t come up today. At least for Nick. For me I can’t help but remember the fear I felt in the beginning. That’s why I shared what I did with the group. I just want them to know their babies will be ok.
I started this blog about 4 years ago. In my first post I wrote that I wish I knew 6 years ago that Nick really would be ok. Well I wish I knew 4 years ago that Nick would be done with external fixator’s by age 8! The last one came off when he was still 8!!!
It’s been Nicks day 100% but I couldn’t help but reflect on my 10 years as a mom. And reflecting for me means writing so here it is.
Before I became a Mom
I didn’t know what it meant
I didn’t know how lucky I was
Fortune is relative.
You wouldn’t want to take my place
or walk in my shoes
watching my son walk in his.
I don’t blame you for not knowing
That “normal” is relative
That helping others heals.
That finding meaning
doesn’t make it all ok, but
it can make you feel better.
I didn’t know my heart could break
over and over
and then mend
again and again.
I didn’t know I would need to be reminded to breath.
That perfection is in the moment.
That kindness kind of is everything.
That’s not in the the baby books and you don’t need to be a mom to gain this knowing.
But I did.